There's a technique?! I just slide my tongue around
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I am like the Mr. Miyagi of queefs.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
I bought you a small gift as a preemptive apology for being a drunken slut tonight.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Lately I've been very attracted to Kevin Jonas because he's like...less hot than Joe, but he's this healthy mix of both Joe and Nick. It looks like he's finally growing into himself.
Randomize