I think taking a nice shit is a lot more satisfying than an orgasm. This is probably why I'm single.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
my momz letting me make the christmas card in photoshop
so that means christmas in space?
imma make our dead cats ghosts like obi wan kenobi
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
All I did today was eat pizza and use my vibrator.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
What should I list for life skills
How about home wrecking? You’re excellent at that
Hmm...that is a life skill in Southern California
Randomize
