Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
I have fuck me eyes 4/5 people agree. It's like doctors or dentists but with ppl who have lots of sex and know these things.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
