Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
I love watching the kids I sold drugs to score touchdowns
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
you had me at cake vodka
Why is everyone else growing up when I'm just crying, eating, and having pregnancy scares?
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
She took me to ER. She says thought it was a squirtgun filled with vodka and she was 'marking me for later.' Thank god it's a flesh wound, and we're cool and going to date.
gtg, the cops are here
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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