Farmville is her only friend.
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
i just got painted green i'm not about to leave for anything
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
Attempting to teach the cat how to shake. I need a job.
Tell me you remember me getting a tampon from the girl throwing up in the next stall
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Apparently the Massachusetts Bay Transit Authority severely looks down on Chinese firedrills on a public bus
Yeah but the people love.
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
There are only a few things more freaky than wandering around a zoo drunk.
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
