He disabled his match.com account in front of me
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
i forgot beer had calories. that would explain alot.
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No if my life depended on you fingering me just let me die
just sex-dialed 911. that's 34 seconds of dignity i will never get back.
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just remembered that before we left my house I vowed to stay fully clothed and I FAILED
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
I'll get the most aesthetic strap on, you'll see
Randomize
