i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
dude i just saw a topless girl trying to get into her locked car. im moving here
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
the new roommate knocked on my door this morning holding a bong in one hand and my dennys leftovers from last night in the other. love this kid. Best student housing placement ever.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
our next stoner-chievment: cream of shroom soup. Get over here, this is happening!
He jumped into a mall fountain. I don't think that warrants a lifetime ban or the disorderly persons charge, but whatever. Fuck you Pennsylvania.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
Why do my weekends always degenerate into using my little brothers childrens board games for drinking games?
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm basically doing the Walk of Shame without the added bonus of having sex last night. That doesn't look good on anyone.
It’s a hundred kinds of wrong to do Jell-O shots at home alone. Right?
I support drinking alone. But Jell-O shots. That’s a game changer.
Randomize
