Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Also you were throwing your phone yelling this is durable as shit
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Yeah.. he went to Tebow in the middle of the crosswalk and got hit by a cab... The yellow ones really don't stop
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
You got her pregnant one week before your vasectomy? You couldn't wait one week to cheat on me?
who dressed up as a cop at your party???
idk I have to check. Why?
he gave me the best strip search of my life. FIND HIM.
I better not get a vid of you penile helicoptering
i need to stop meeting underage girls and letting them into the bar. i mean yea its a surefire way to get laid without having to tell them I'm 26 but i feel like as a bouncer I'm focusing on all the wrong things
Also I can show up hungover, fall asleep at my desk, and smell like a bottle of whiskey, and they still like me more then my shitty co worker
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
Its one thing to reject me, but to reject me AND my hottest friend AT THE SAME TIME!?!?
He invites me over for to adderall and chill. Academic Tuesday
If you had a good reason for throwing the toaster at the wall, now's a good time to tell someone. My parents are on their way back and you know my dad and his pop tarts.
Randomize
