Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
Either I'm deep cleaning my apartment out of severe academic procrastination or I'm subconsciously nesting and need to take a pregnancy test.
did you know that my friend knows a guy with 3 balls what the actual fuck
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
Herpes is not a lady problem you can solve with shower beers and kissing boys
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
Randomize
