My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
There's a Cowboys game and a Rangers game on at the same time...talk about Sophie's choice
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
this will be a night to untag.
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
So I just bought underwear that says "I'm taken." Just know that when I cheat on my bf with you, that's what I'm wearing
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
i formally give you permission to eat me when i pass out
Well, I can mark "throwing up in a daycare bathroom due to a hangover" off my bucket list.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I’m a go ahead and fuck down ATL. So when I leave in January I’ll have no regrets.
Just got done being naked and Mooning the cops. I'm still alive. Let's drink.
Randomize
