C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
I would give my right arm to go back to college. Or maybe not. Would be kinda hard to pick up guys with one arm. Then again, knowin what I do now...I could take any freshman bithc with only one arm.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
i was drunk and our names rhymed...what was i supposed to do?
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
Oh shut up man. Once the police get involved its every man for themself.
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
She asked me if I could do that to her every single time. I said nope. sometimes it's better.
Randomize
