yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
it's been a while because I don't count the hooker
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
Is it weird that the cop that arrested me called me twice to tell me that I left my ring at the police station
He threw up on my head while I was blowing him, and then I started barfing, and the kitchen floor was a mess. Believe me, he will never, ever live this down.
My cast smells like cheese steak rolls
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
Randomize
