I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
Call it a failed empirical study as to whether drugs would make her more interesting. or at least better in bed.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
he got a charlie horse midthrust which triggered my orgasm we're still sorting this out.
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
How drunk are u on a scale of one to couldn't get it up if u had a gun at ur head?
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm just now starting to feel better... I remembered sleeping on the floor. I was peeing and saw his rug and it looked so comfy
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Is this making any sense, because I’m puking and trying to be Philosophical right now
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
