I solve my problems like an adult, at the strip club drinking on a work night.
My mouth tastes like defeat. Did he at least have money?
At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
he just found out his girl is having a boy. he's probably googling "Ed Hardy diapers" as we speak.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
I have had more skin than food in my mouth the last three days
Today needs to die. The mail delivery guy watched me throw up in my yard while taking my chihuahua out in Christmas pajamas at noon. Low point in my life.
Well I just put wine in my tea
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
Let's drink tonight I promise I'll make it out of the house
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
This hangover is too legit right now. I just sneezed and almost puked
I probably would do him if given the chance but how awkward would Bible study be after that.
Randomize
