Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
So I've decided that when I turn 50 and have to have a colonoscopy I'm going to leave a surprise for the doctor to find.
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He is going to sleep with me. That's all there is to it. I'm 4 for 4 right now. I'm not making it 4 for 5.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
Randomize
