Not a fireman, but good enough for last night.
When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
Wikipedia just saved you three hours and $30 on a bar tab. You should donate.
$5. Donated.
Take home message: SPERM IS EVIL AND SHOULD NEVER EVER EVER BE ALLOWED UP ONE'S NOSE.
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
I'm that daughter that had to send her mother "DON'T GET SHITFACED" & yes, in ALL CAPS.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
"Uno más" are officially my least favorite words in the entire Spanish language.
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