Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
At home depot. Final room inspection is tmrow, gotta paint over the puke stains
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
I dunno. We kind of want to have a hippie communing with nature type break. But because we're such alcoholics I feel like we'll just be wasted the whole time in addition to hugging trees and shit
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Im drunk taking pregnancy tests with this really hot girl...i dont know what is happening
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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