I'm either going to be a Playboy Playmate or take over the world. Either way the world wins.
elementary school lunch room party. everyone brings their own lunch and can trade stuff. all juice is booze.
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I'm drunk enough to talk Barbara Walters outta her panties
You filled up my voicemail with a slurred but graphic depiction of how you were humping a fire hydrant.
I'm just gonna be the bigger person here and say I want you inside me
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
This is me reassuring you that I'm still alive and making sure you still are.
I totally just somersaulted to the bathroom to avoid moving out of my fetal position
I don't know if I should be concerned or impressed.
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
I shall relish in being the most basic of bitches
You're supposed to discourage my sluttiness not bring me hot Colombian men
Randomize
