i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
she just fell off the couch. onto a bag of pretzels. her face resembled a cat that just swallowed a sock.
Everytime I think about NYE, my gag reflex kicks in.
our new exchange student wants to hear all about America's greatest politician, "Oprah." it's gonna be a long fucking day
It was an igloo shaped doghouse, I was obligated to hotbox it
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
I didn't mean that as an expression. I'm literally asking if you want to watch Netflix and do nothing.
Waking up naked and dehydrated has become a regular occupancy for me.
Randomize
