toast her oven
toast her strudel
inspect her gadget
I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
When we found you, you were using the bottle of Captain as a pillow...with a note on your forehead that said don't wake up the champion.
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I wasn't that drunk, I know my limits. When peeing became difficult I stopped taking shots.
We had sex on a lawn chair while fireworks were going off last night. It was unavoidable that I got mosquito bites all over my ass
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
Its official... I need to stop being so slutty.. the guy I had sex with on friday delivered my jimmy johns tonight.
He literally said from now on he's always banging chicks with asthma becuas it's such an ego booster
Good news!! I can adult!! 😂 turning down the strip club on a weeknight has become my crowning achievement ðŸ˜ðŸ˜‚
it was like where's waldo, only the stakes were much higher.
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