I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Why does Jon Cryer have a career?
That is a good question.
rainy day on campus = new personal fetish for girls in booty shorts and colorful rain boots
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
He's stoned as shit, eating breakfast cereal and taking a dump. All while listening to dubstep. We may never understand him.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
What's the policy for hitting on a girl at a funeral? She seems more bored than sad.
We're having Wednesday-night goat-night at the bar.
It's hard to explain...
it's too much effort for something that isn't food.
I was masterbating to some porn on my phone and my mom decides to text me "are you okay?" I mean i was doing great until you cock blocked me mom..
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
Randomize
