well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
What do you say about some mid-afternoon anal?
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
So I commented on one of his pictures "who do I have to give a full effort blow job to, to get the Ides of March movie poster behind you" he responded with a number that wasn't his. I still texted it. I love that movie.
I NEED TO GET TO THE PLAYGROUND. I JUST NEED TO SWING. IF I SWING MAYBE THE SMELL WILL COME OFF OF ME. I NEED TO SWING
He would drink pee if it was in a beer can
You know you can't live off of vodka and pizza rolls forever
I'VE ALREADY MADE MY CHOICE
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
What has my life become? I'be officially recruited my fuck buddy for help getting my ex back.
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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