Your dad touched me again.
the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
i'm getting the "you hooked up with my friends" speech from him. i'm returning with the "gotta keep my quota up" speech
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
What do you wear to apply at a strip club?
Just think of your bundle of joy thats on its way. And how hes gunna rip your vagina apart
Die.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
I just ran your car into a ups truck....but on a up note I have a handle of fireball and breakfast burritos
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
Randomize
