I'm drinking while my friends build sand castles, now I know how my dad used to feel
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
i regret nothing . he quoted dr. suess . he deserved that bj .
She keeps stunt undies in her bag, 2 sizes too small. She leaves them behind so the guy thinks he was luckier than he was...
No...this little piggys going to the bar
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I called him the wrong name all night, yet I still got a ride home from the party and hooked up with the guy. I'm irresistible.
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