I would like to be the first to explain to you that if you've woken up with bruised knuckles this morning, it's because last night you tried climbing out of our car window and into the drive through window at maccas. The cashier chick freaked out and slammed the window on you and beat you around the head with her headset thingy.
Shittttttt.
Be not ashamed. It was youtube-worthy.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
Man, i was looking at the pictures i took last night in one i was on the Kentucky line fist pumping with a hobo..wth happened?
we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
So far, my day has been sparkling with the tears of a thousand rainbow unicorns. I'd say this is quality shit you've grown.
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
Dudes don't just lick butts of chicks they're not into.
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
Oh dear. Sending much love.
Just send a machete.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
Totes just ripped ass and the bartender's eyes got wet
How was it?
i think i smell bacon but im to sore to walk downstairs. that kinda night
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