I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
stripped for him at 3am on my childhood playground and used the swing set as a pole.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
One last question would your parents let me sleep in your bathtub for the night?
I was mixing candy canes and coors light and was in a great place.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
Oh man. I am high, watching The Office and getting pancakes. What a country.
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
I made him dinner in just his cowboy hat and my boots after we did it...you should see his face :)
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
If it makes you feel better he's in the stall next to me and I'm taking a diabolical shit. He's complaining
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