I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
im doing shots everytime lil jon says it in the song shots....blackout town here i come
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
Vodka shot parachutes
Fucking utilizing a thrid story dorm room
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
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