I'm sad I can't be there is wknd, I'm laying on the beach and daydreaming of you / crying a bit
I'm watching a porn and daydreaming of you. Sounds like we both need Kleenex
I have a very awkward question for you. Could you possibly take my black dildo. My mom wants to clean my room.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Anything that comes outta your cooch is bound to be breathtaking
That could use a little rephrasing
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
She screamed at us, "You guys need to wake up and smell the beer-bong!"
I'm going to avoid eye contact because my old high school English teacher is not who I feel like seeing after I just had a dick in my mouth
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
Randomize
