Tittie bar + Mother In law gone = mission accomplished.
kindergarten is hard when you're hung over.
What do you mean you don't pregame your bikini waxes?
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
idk but i can hear her singing "Call Me Maybe" really slowly and emotionally in the shower right now
I have to stop letting him stay all weekend. I feel like a cored apple.
Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
How do I go about this? "Hey, its my birthday in 40 minutes. Would you like to come over for some sex? Also, please bring snacks"?
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
