I found the seven page love letter I had written you. I'm sorry i was so obsessed.
He ate me out and then left in a hurry and shouted "Sorry to dine and dash" as he left my house
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
the girl next to me in class is drinking a margarita out of a slurpee cup. i know your going to ask how i know its a margarita and the answer is i can smell the tequila. i never want to leave this place
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Who gets call-your-ex-from-4-years-ago drunk on a Thursday??
Teach me the ways of your demonic sorcery.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
You turned down sex for fried cheese??
My penis and doctor won't be happy with me, but come on. Fried cheese!
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