Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He left with a pair of dress shoes, some goggles, and a shot glass. I think we should follow him.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Whoever owns the butter that i always steal out of the office fridge definitely put THC butter in there this time. Shit just got real.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
The last thing I remember was riding in a grocery cart with two strangers while a cop pushed us
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize