I thought she would fill the void you created. Turns out she thought I just wanted to fill hers.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
no today was horrible, i woke up and somebody slit my car tire and left an apology letter in my wiper that said "sorry wrong house"
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
I'm dealing with this like an adult, cupcakes and beer.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Chipotle. Because when you've had diarrhea for 6 days why not just make it 7
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
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