we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just looked at my call log. I called Planned Parenthood at 3am.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
This is the time you want your cat to have telepathy with you. To know if the guy downstairs left.
I want to apologize in advance in the event I put my boobs in your face
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Do you think you could handle being our babysitter if we roofied ourselves for fun??
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
I will turn myself into a beacon of get at me bro
sigh, if only his dick was as big as his mouth
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
Fell off the toilet trying to reach to put my tampon in the garbage. Pride hurts real bad.
You started having a threesome right in front of me.
lololol that's what happened?
Stephanie looked me right in the eye while she was going down on you. It made me really uncomfortable.
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
Randomize