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• (818): View more from California

  Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?

  (770): View more from Georgia

  I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.

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• (941): View more from Florida

  I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.

  (1-609): View more from New Jersey

  First class.

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• (609): View more from New Jersey

  at least he left the skimmer on the side of the pool so i could fish out my thong in the morning

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• (240): View more from Maryland

  We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.

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• (907): View more from Alaska

  It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.

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• (850): View more from Florida

  I woke up in a sink... Not like curled up on top of it though. I was standing, bent over, face first. IN THE DAMN SINK.

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• (812): View more from Indiana

  I literally used, "MY VAGINA IS TOO FANTASTIC FOR HIM TO STAY GAY" as a valid argument for attempting to fuck my gay friend.

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• (619): View more from California

  I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.

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• (202): View more from Washington, DC

  He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.

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• (858): View more from California

  Your feet probs hurt bc the cab driver kicked us out a mile from home after you wouldn't stop screaming "prohibition can suck my dick"

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• (304): View more from West Virginia

  No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.

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• (281): View more from Texas

  You gotta have 1 orgasm for me and the rest can be for you. I'm living vicariously through you 😂

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• (401): View more from Rhode Island

  Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.

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• (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  uh why is my bathtub filled with kool aid? or is that blood?

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