I'm so hungover And my mouth is so dry it feels like my tongue is wearing a sweater
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
So I missed her say 'don't' before 'come in me'. She felt what was happening and freaked - which actually made the moment 100x better.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
You missed a lot. I drank contact solution thinking it was water, vodka thinking it was water and some unidentified substance that reminded me of pine sol thinking it was water..
Define 'illegal'. Your idea of it and my idea are in separate universes.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
Boys that pee in my bed don't get happy birthday wallposts on facebook
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
We drunkenly built a couch fort and fucked in it. I've known her since preschool. This was every childhood fantasy mixed with adult dreams come true.
I'm pretty sure I just smoked a chunk of cat food. Thought it was something else. No reply needed.
I just ate a handful of salt
I thought this was a good idea
how do you tell someone, in the most complimentary way possible, that they would make an excellent stripper?
Randomize