who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I know we didn't hook up because i was still wearing my fanny pack in the morning
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Yes, he does have a boomerang dick. No matter how many times I throw it away, it keeps coming right back and winds up hitting me in the head.
I hate who I am becoming
I think of it as growth but I also hate who I am becoming as well
hold on i need to sex proof my eyelashes. thank godd for waterproof mascara
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
She is beauty she is grace
she’s masturbsting in front of an open window while drunk af 9am
i thought you had class
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