She said so on her MySpace, so it's gotta be true.
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I couldn't figure out her damn button fly jeans... IM NOT A FUCKING ENGINEER
That's just weird. That doesn't make sense sexually at all. I mean, you might as well tape a pen to the tip and try and write your name while you're at it.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
I'm too depressed to drink my wine. That is what I would call a serious problem
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
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