Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
Just saw a man downtown with a cat just riding on his shoulder like a furry parrot. He may be homeless, but I think he's your soul mate.
Ive been high since the plane left the ground in Los Angeles and Ive been in Chicago. Right now, Im on a train headed towards downtown to go to an anime convention. At this point, I am just taking life as it comes, furries and all.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
Just so we're clear, drunk and naked is not appropriate attire for Thanksgiving. Do it this year and Grandma will ban you for life.
Randomize
