I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
i wish there were pregnant emoticons
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Watching videos from last night and u go "I should be the president, I can get whatever I want w my tits"
New rule: I am no longer allowed to speak
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Can you send me the pictures of me riding the penis
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
Good god, my descendants are going to be fucked.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
you were so high you asked for half double stack and half crispy chicken sandwich "welded together" in the wendy's drive through
Randomize
