Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
i just put all of my beerlympics medals into my academic awards box. i would say they are my greatest achievement since college.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
Maybe the downfall to liking really smart guys is that they're to smart to think about sex all the time.
I'm glad they extended train service last night. People crying, screaming, throwing up, fighting and peeing themselves on a train made me feel like I've got my shit together.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
Randomize
