Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
my grandmother thought she vaccuumed up a quarter so she made me open the bag, dump it out on her front lawn, and dig through it. no quarter.
I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
Dude, it could be so much worse. That Dale kid lost a toe I think.
telling her she was ovary-acting wasn't the greatest idea. doing it in a text so she could see your spelling was where you really went wrong, though.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
okay we need to get tested.
no YOU need to get tested. I'm just going along for the ride.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
Randomize
