You're completely useless in the revolution.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
My roommate made me go home after I mooed at fat girls at the gas station.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
There is a guy in class using a wine bottle as a water bottle. Welcome to the Faculty of Environment.
Last night I somehow got INCREDIBLY wasted & thought it was a good idea to make a group chat with all the guys I'm hooking up with and just say "bye." soo I'm hiding out till next week.
Me my naked body. You bring the paints. I expect to be a panther by game time Sunday.
What do I get.
Panthers win you get to fuck the paint off me.
Right?? Give me some apple scented candles and I'm a fall wet dream
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Access to a Target is paramount to my general happiness and self-worth.
Randomize
