My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I woke up in my girlfriends bed with another guy laying next to me. wtf.
Double fisting Gray Goose bottles. We've officially ruined her.
just bought 2000 rhinestones and a heart shaped stencil at Micheals...I think the cashier knows i'm Vajazzling
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
This chick had a condom box organized by size with dividers that glowed in the dark.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I'll accept that I'm a woo girl. Just not the drunk cowboy hat wearing bar mongering twat bag type
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
