I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
dude you just took shreks wife home. what the fuck is wrong with you
when a bears hungry he eats besides shes got her nipples pierced
he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
Dude..TWLOHA day. gonna write LOVE on my arms before going to the bar tonight. its like a pussy guarantee.
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
So I got hit in the face with a frying pan. So def wont be at work for first break if I'm there at all
I need a kidney, not a pussy. All the pussy in the world isn't going to save my life. Keep your pussy in your pants and give me a kidney.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
He's really cute...He stopped talking to me because i pulled my skirt up and peed in a demi plie position...
"Why is there a bottle of Tequila taped to the fan?"
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize