i half slept with him but i still dont owe you any money
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
So I just walked into the bathroom, and there was this kid, talking to his mom, while taking a shit. I flushed the toilet next to him and heard him say into the phone, "No, I'm not. I'm in my dorm."
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
Most girls get hit on with a $7.00 drink. You get hit on with a $750K plane.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
Facebook: “Hey you fucked on a diving board, you should probably should wish him a happy birthday”
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
Randomize
