Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
She has 2500 facebook friends. I probably should have used a condom.
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
i was super drunk. to the point where i was putting shredded cheese on a fork, putting hot sauce on it then dipping it in salsa. it was awesome.
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
Im eating leftover Easter ham in a bubble bath. What has my life come to?
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Just because I'm asexual doesn't mean I can't have a revenge fuck.
Randomize
