You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Why do all fat girls have "that smell"?
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
should my penis look like a turkey
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
You can identity the picture as me the mistress his wife and him. It's that kinda awkard.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
By talk things out did he mean have passionate angry sex?
Also I think I set a new personal record. Definitely slept with him less than 45 minutes after meeting him. Oh god my life.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Randomize
