Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Yeah... I was considering changing that part but the boxed wine is non-negotiable.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Dude, so the police showed up at my house with my wallet told me they found it in the church fountain then handed me a pamphlet on AA saying it was from the pastor. What happend?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Thanks to you and Ketel One I now have a court summons with the actual word "frolicking" on it.
He ate shrooms at 9:30, said, "see you later," and left. I am alone on New Years.
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
If I get one more "oh yaaaaa he changed your oil" texts, I'm gonna lose my shit
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Randomize
