I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
There's a bed on the roof. The window behind it is too small for it to go through. I'm impressed.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
He's just a really nice guy who stuck his tongue in the wrong place.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Today, my boyfriend informed me that I look like my dad when I orgasm
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
You know I was thinking and I've never seen a penis in a whirlpool before
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
