And now we're talking about squeezing babies out of vaginas...
Hi, this is ****, we hooked up a few weeks ago. I was wondering, do you have any STDs?
This girl told me I had the balls of an infant..I replied by saying her vagina looks like Stargate.
i just made a "things you cannot forget to do this week just because you're high" list.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Right now, millions of people are waking up to get ready for work, start their day, and be productive members of society. I just found a 40 stashed in my fridge. I'm getting daybreak drunk. Zero fucks are given.
Isn't being unemployed beautiful sometimes?
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
I woke up and discovered I gave new meaning to the term "pizza pockets" yes it's exactly like it sounds like
we should definitely drink gin again. soon.
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
Woke up with chlamydia and a bruised rib. I'd say my boss is gonna be mad about me not showing up to work, except you know.. it's her fault.
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Randomize
