Just made out with a pet sitter. His biz card says "even hamsters". Lowest point in my life.
I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I've never known a guy to fuck more random girls in the ass then Dom. His rectal kill ratio is at like 85%
He's like the Derek Jeter of Anal
Theme for your birthday? Beer olympics in S&M costumes? Sounds like a nice little saturday
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
We got buck wild in our animal onesies last night. You kept ripping off your tail in angry rages.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Should I have spent my entire pay check on Crown Royal and LSD? No. Do I regret it? Also, no.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
Are those your contacts stuck to the mirror?!
Yeah. Drunk me tried to put my contacts on the mirror where my eyes were.
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