Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
blowing a .13 at 10 AM isn't nearly as cool as I thought it would be.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Amazing how you can get from "Merry Christmas" to sex in three texts.
I could have done it in 2
He SHOWED UP to the party wearing one shoe and a dinosaur hat. He kept lifting up his shirt and asking people to bite his nipple.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
That's the last time I get in a car with six rappers headed to god knows where.
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
Momentum is force x velocity. So therefore velocity is 0 - hammered, and force is ur legs locked up and ur face hits the ground.
I felt paralized they just wouldnt move. We need segways when were drunk cuz if we start to fall forward they well take off and save the fall.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
The girl in line in front of me at the grocery store is buying wine, m&m minis, a toothbrush, and condoms. Is it inappropriate to high-five her?
Accepting his friend request would be the Facebook equivalent of pity sex.
I don't think he liked your vagina hand signal
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