words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
Eliza got arrested. What's the protocol on eating an arrested person's sandwich?
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
We came back and there was a shotglass filled with what looks like blood. Come over soon, we're gonna try it out.
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
i'm too drunk to leave my room. poked my head out like a turtle and everyone knew i wasn't sober. i like it better in my nonjudgmental turtle shell anyway.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
There where 3 half naked girls passed out on the pool table, I crawled under it and just as I was about to go to sleep some guy walks up and says: "dude nice spot" walks away and comes back with a pillow.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
I think the cats may be lesbians. It could just be a two hour mutual bath but it sure looks like a 69.
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