So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
just hang any plant up and call it mistletoe.
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
Woke up with an epic boner today, the kind where you can spin books and shit on it. FYI: don't try spinning an encyclopedia
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
Your shoe was in the washing machine. I have it in my pocket. My phone rang before and I answered your shoe. Meet me at the bar in 10.
Something about Sunday night screams phone sex
I bit my tongue so hard I left a deep imprint. Fuck you tongue, stop getting in the way of food.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
There's a kid in the back of the class drinking out of a flask. Like what is going on?
NOW HE'S DRINKING OUT OF A HANDLE. WHO IS THIS KID?
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I texted her mom a picture of us doing it saying "I'm trying to make your daughter just like you!" she was not amused.
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