I left the party when things started to get crazy... and when I say crazy I mean: there was puke on the carpet, Evan was passed out behind a plant, Mary was making out with her ex while her present bf was making out with Nancy. Not to mention that someone fisted the wall. Also - someone is sleeping on your lawn - they might be dead, I didn't check. Later.
Being 21 is my favorite hobby I'm really good at it
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I literally sat down and peed with my underwear still on. How does that happen?
I woke up wearing just my underwear and a headlamp at a different house than I remember passing out at. I told you irish car bombs are not made with an entire guinness.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
My sister hid me from my parents, brought me a bloody mary, and told my girlfriend I was out with my dad. For 13, I got to say she's working out pretty good.
I just masturbated to a Jock Jams cd. What have you done today?
I just wanna be like "dude your gf's on a porn site" but i just dont know if i have the heart.
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
Randomize
