it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
She liked every single Facebook status in her newsfeed and then made her status 'I LIKE U GUYS'
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
I will suppress my appetite by doing shots then passing out
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Have you ever thought, hey maybe the reason we were togather that long was because I was drunk the whole relationship?
I’ve looked at so many mouse vaginas in the past week
Randomize
