Uhh me and Jacque peed on the street outside the bar last night and wiped with flowers. I vaguely remember her repeating the word "fresh" over and over.
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
He only likes me when I'm naked and I don't like being around him clothed. It's the perfect relationship.
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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