Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Do you think when graham bell invented the phone he ever thought that people would be using them to facebook on the shitter?
i crushed up some extenze and put them in his protein powder - should make for an interesting gym experience
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
They're basically the Kennedys. This is the family I fucked in to. I'm so proud of my vagina as much as it feels shitty for my heart.
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
mom how many of the songs from my childhood are mexican drinking songs?
all of them.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
His dog hid my thong. Let me tell you, the last thing you want during a commando mini skirt walk of shame is lots of wind. There’s a church congregation that knows all my business
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