i freaking love being in a circle of guys. if i fart none of them suspect me.
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Escaped ambulance. Meet me at your apartment.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
What's the sex policy on a school bus? Because I dibs back seat.
Sex allowed. Dress code is neon and obnoxious.
We are gonna die. I wanna enforce the "no jumping out of moving vehicles" policy. And how are we gonna get a school bus through mcdonalds drive thru?
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
Guess who has got hockey tickets for tonight? Only cost me road head going to and coming from the game
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
DO IT!
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
Randomize