apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
i cant belive i got a ticket! i know what his dick tastes like!
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Just so you know, my new pet parrot tried to bond sexually with me today. That is what Google told me. I'm not sure of its gender.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
downside - we got stuck at the intersection before the santa clause parade started and had to wait for it to end. upside - i got frontrow seats and a blow job to the santa clause parade.
I have weed and a speedo - I don't need anything else.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
woke up this morning and she was gone. but she left a box of donuts on the counter with a note saying "for all the 'o's you gave me last night"
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
Im bringing my light up rubber ducky just in case we end up at a rave tonight. HE CHANGES COLOR!
Randomize
