he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
Lonely and bored. Am I allowed to play Dance Dance Revolution by myself?
I fuked that chick last night and she kept saying, "oh...oh....oh", like Bill Lumberg
so what did you do?
I did the mash I did the monster mash It was a graveyard smash!
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
We aren't going to mix hockey and sex texts tonight.
I totally agree. all sexting is on hold till after the games over.
Playoffs. This shit is serious.
I never want to hear the words 'my therapist says . . . ' while naked again.
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
Well, I saw an Olympian's genitals tonight, so it can't be that bad.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I just woke up on my neighbors floor with my boots on, but no pants. I have 3 separate taco bell receipts in my pocket.
She has a bong hits for Jesus shirt. Of course I'm going to like her.
My mom wants to name our new dog the same name as my fuck buddy. This will be weird
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
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