He did a double fist pump when he discovered the Magnums fit and skipped back towards the bed.
at the bar. watching boys pee in urinals. when they come out we give them a thumbs up or a thumbs down. probbb shouldn't prop the bathroom door open with a bar stool....
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
What's the point of being healthy if people still don't want to fuck you?
You can drink as much as you want but it's not gunna make her forehead any smaller
I was hoping it might at least fix her teeth
Seriously my only wish tonight is to be at the club in a sombrero w my shirt off pouring tequila on bitches titties
i only avoided him because he looked like he was about to have a heart attack and i didnt feel like doing cpr on my day off.
what type of emt are you
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
You know getting black out drunk at a cats birthday party should have been my lowest point drinking wise but some how I feel like last night was some how worse
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize
