she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
So my boyfriend is on his way over and there is no time to wash the sheets from when I had his roommate over earlier. Put them in the dryer with a damp bounce sheet. Win?
This is a whole new level of slut for you....do they smell ok?
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
everything was going well until edgar threatened to handcuff the security guard to himself.
Used my jumper cables as a bottle opener last night. Really pleased with my problem solving skills.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
Listen. You seriously only live once... there aren't that many cinco de mayos left until someone knocks u up and u have to have a shotgun wedding. Man up.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
It's been so long that I've occasionally forgotten I own a vagina
I used my yoga mat as a door stop so he couldn't come into my room when i was sleeping last night. Drunk engineering at its finest
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
There's a potato with a bite taken out of it in the kitchen
Randomize
